Rejection, Pain, and a Wish for a Christmas Miracle

This has a been a difficult month, for the Dark Horse, to say the least.  The one who the Dark Horse thought was my sacred other, my twin soul, the one whom I've loved for so long, rejected me.  It is a feeling beyond comparison.  I have done my best to keep a happy face, a determined look about me, but this has been something which, while expected, was completely stunned by the thorough nature of the rejection.

My heart feels "it's not over yet," but my soul is saying "back away slowly, and walk the other direction for now."

There are very few experiences in this world similar to a deep, profound heartbreak.  Perhaps it was all something I built up in my mind; this person and I had not really spent much time over the years.  We've changed.  She and I don't talk much.  There's nothing we really have in common anymore.  We speak different languages and hang out in different circles.  What once was, no longer is.  Yes, those are the thoughts still occupying my conscious mind.  This, combined with the knowledge that nothing I can do to change this person's mind, makes it difficult beyond words to come to grips with.  It wasn't that there was no chance; I was never given a chance.  Yes, there's love there, but friendship only.

It is painful beyond explanation.  My heart is breaking so much I have cried more in the last week than I've cried in the last ten years.  The Dark Horse isn't one to cry, which makes this all the most profound a hurt.

I must soldier on and move on.  I must live in the moment and learn to love myself, even though that which I want most will never be mine.  This is the sort of feeling which people who are in the Darkest Night of their Souls push them over the edge, into an eternal abyss.  I'm calling on my spirit guides, angels and everyone who can help to keep me in the fight, and accepting the fact that sometimes, things happen which have no explanation.

My lone prayer now is this; I want this individual to experience a Christmas miracle, but not involving me.  I ask that God and the Universe allow her to meet the man who will love her the way I would have, as well as the way I still do, and let her be happy, no matter what.  I'm okay that it's not me; in fact, I don't want it to be me, because I know it's not what she wants.  That's all I ask for now.  Hopefully I can come back in a few weeks with a message of joy and happiness for you.  For now, I must sit in darkness and mourn the loss of a dream, killed before it ever had time to truly live.

The Dark Horse Rides - the rubber meets the road.

As I continue my journey towards my goal of being aware that I am whole, I felt it appropriate to share this journey with you so those of you in the same situation as I am will begin to recognize you own oneness and no longer feel a need to limit yourself.

My ego and I have been in a bit of a pitched battle.  If anyone has ever heard John Mayer’s song “Heartbreak Warfare,” you’ll get my meaning.  Bombs are falling everywhere as my lower self and my higher self are settling things.  This, folks is where the energetic rubber meets the esoteric road.  It would be quite accurate to say, at least in my case, shit just got real.  I have never, ever felt so much angst, anger, frustration, anxiety and self-loathing as I have in the past couple of weeks.  Depressive cycles of the past are child's play compared to what my lower self has been doing - everything from hatred of my life to a desire to do physical harm to myself has been contemplated, but my higher self has also brought out the big guns, affirmations and reminders of what those who truly love and care for me wish for me.  I have had to release a lot of built up frustration, pent up resentments, and overcome a lot of resistance.  I have been dodging everything my lower self can throw at me, and I’m not even halfway to the objective.

This is the best, most stark way I can put this; my lower self is playing dirty, and it’s not about to give up, though my higher self must, ultimately, win out.

When we choose to become aware of our own unique oneness, all the nasty crap we have been repressing for years comes out.  In my case, the feelings of inadequacy, lack of masculinity, and anger over letting potential lovers get away is part of it.  So are the feelings that my family really didn’t want me, self-loathing over my failings in college and school, and the massive amount of debt I have incurred in my life as the result of wanting to “select” the rules I wished to play by.  That, combined with how I allowed my lower self to play the “victim” card with regards to my marriage, and it was all one really, really nasty pile of cow dung just waiting to be heated and blown into the stratosphere for all to smell.

The dust is slowly beginning to settle, but I’m beginning to understand a few things.  First, I have some amazing friends who have come to my aid, and some of them have always been there.  Some are new, and a few are truly special.  Second, I feel closer to finding my twin than ever, even if it’s not who I thought it was.  That particular battle with my ego is particularly brutal; I so badly want my twin to be one person, but who the hell is it really?  Only my soul, my higher self, and the universe itself knows and, to be very honest, I haven’t been good at listening to any of them over the years.  Yes, there have been snatches of conversation I have picked up, images, etc, but nothing has been clear, nor should it be.  I’m not aware of my whole self, and I have yet to empower myself to be the person I know I can be.  Without that level of empowerment, nothing will come together.  I have to learn to be open, aware, and accepting of all possibilities.  I'm not even close to that yet, but I am getting there.

At one time, I believed free will to be the paramount thing in our lives.  Now I understand; the universe gives us choices.  Free will is what makes life mostly unpredictable, but true joy comes from sweet surrender.  Rather than try to force things to our own ends, I have chosen to let it all flow, and let the universe unfold as it should.  There really is, when it comes down to it, no other way for it to work without struggle, and there are far more important things to focus my energy on than struggle.

Thank you for reading and my best thoughts and intentions to you as you join me on this path and in your own journey.

Free will, universal law, and why creation should be effortless.

I was asked a question this week.  What's the most important thing in life:  free will or the will of the universe?  I answered "free will" because I believed without the ability to choose your path, nothing else matters.

I was challenged with this thought...free will means ego comes first.  The will of the universe means making choices and allowing those choices to be what you feel IS right, rather than what you CHOOSE to be right.

Pretty interesting difference, isn't it?  On one hand, we want to decide what WE believe is best for us while, on the other, we have the OPPORTUNITY to choose what the universe (spirit, source, God), KNOWS is best for us.  So the issue isn't really what should we DO, but instead what is BEST for us.  Yes, it's a tricky one, isn't it?

Or is it?  I offer up the Oriental concept of Effortless Action.

Ancient Oriental philosophies speak of action without strain, of how even the weakest amongst us may move mountains when we understand certain fundamental laws.  Much like the means used to construct Miami's famed Coral Castle, these laws are often considered a mystery not because they don't exist or are lost, but because we have focused on using our will to create, rather than allowing creation to be effortless.  Yes, building takes effort.  That is the natural price we must pay for achieving our goals.  Yet the means and methods to reach the goals after we have built the foundation should be effortless.

Have you ever notice how medical professionals, when they set their ego aside and focus on the patient, seem to somehow "discover" the proper course of action?  Have you ever watched an artist who has "given up" suddenly paint a masterpiece?  Have you eve noticed that when you decide that you don't absolutely need something anymore, that you surrender control over life, that things somehow begin to "come together?"

That's what I'm talking about.  Yes, it is a very difficult thing to achieve for those of us raised that physical might and beauty are the paramount things.  It requires a full cosmic cleansing of the things which poison or hearts and souls.  It can be as painful as we allow it to be.  I know I let it be extremely painful, until I was reminded that the universe has a plan based on my choices.  Things adjust based on choice and thoughts.  Creation should always be effortless if it's authentic, of the higher self.  Otherwise it's all ego.

I've chosen to begin accepting serenity.  To be happy with less, and to focus on service.  I've chosen to educate and inform, and be educated in return.  My life will be filled with some challenges from others as I begin to weed out what doesn't serve me, but I feel at ease with my choice.  To be one in myself is my goal, and I hope my words will help you achieve the same.

Thank you for reading. 

Apologies for my recent "soul tantrum"

On occasion, I will make a post which is not appropriate for the moment.  My recent post asking for my Twin Soul to show herself to me was a perfect example of that.  The fact is, this should not be done unless one feels whole in oneself.  This post was a failure of judgment, an act of desperation, and I apologize for it.

Making demands or crying for help is neither appropriate, just or proper.  That is like telling the universe "this is how I want it!"  The universe will look at us and simply give us the "silent treatment."  Much like a parent, friend or loved one would do when we behave like petulant children, this is a measure used to remind us not of the pecking order, but of the fact that we are, in fact, already whole.  It is really a matter of understanding ourselves and, when necessary, getting some outside assistance.  A friend of mine recently assisted in this, providing necessary perspective, guidance and opinion, as well as a refresher of what underlying causes may exist.  This sort of thing is essential when we are working to become one and whole within ourselves.  Her words resonated with me, and I am grateful to have such a trusted friend.

That being said, there is something to be said for integrating western concepts of psychology with ancient knowledge and esoteric thought.  When we are not balanced mentally, it's easy to slip into another world and want to escape.  Reality is, boiled down to its essence, a rough place to hang out.  We face many challenges in our waking life, whether it be financial, emotional or physical.  Rather than dwelling on what's not there, creating something better should be the goal.  Blaming others for what happened in life gives them power over you.  Taking back that power, being true to one's own self, is true power.  Forgiveness is key, as is the willingness to ask "it happened, but it is any longer relevant?"  Sometimes it takes a long time, especially if that identity and ability to reconcile one's own sense of self has been compromised for many years.  It requires a conscious decision, and complete unison between waking mind and higher mind.  This mastery requires discipline and can take years to accomplish, sometimes a whole lifetime.

I will never profess to having all the answers.  In fact, if anything has been proven over the last week, it's that I have so few answers and so very much to learn.  I am constantly thirsting for knowledge, understanding and the burning desire to become a better person.  I wish to help others, and become the person I am determined to be.  Becoming whole in myself requires integration of what's already there.  We are already whole - it's just a matter of unlocking that knowledge and integrating it into our being.  Whether it is because of mental trauma, physical pain, or some sort of life event which left us with wounds never healed, integration sometimes requires outside help.

Seeking help is never weakness.  Rather, it requires true strength of self to recognize when you can't go it alone and need that hand up.  We learn by living, experiencing, and practicing that which is right and just for us.  The universe grants up free will for a reason; to allow us to learn.  Yet free will is only a tool, it's only as useful as our willingness to learn.  Understanding our reactions to the actions of others affords us greater understanding.  As much as we can predict what may happen based on esoteric science and ancient wisdom, it is merely that, a forecast based on the data at hand.  It is no more set in stone than the weather forecast for the next day.

My gratitude to you all for reading, and for your indulgence of my brief tantrum.  Reason and wisdom remain my goal.  I'm no master, nor am I a hero, teacher or guru.  I'm simply sharing my confusion on the road to greater understanding and enlightenment.  Thank you for joining me.

Declaration of readiness for Twin Soul Reunion

I sit here, alone, in darkness.  Only the light of a room adjacent to me illuminates the interior of my home.  Tonight, I feel dark inside, barren, empty.  The light which shines within me is extinguished for the moment.  I did a solar return chart on myself and the results were nearly frightening.

It is not a joyous thing when you realize the person you love so much, with all your heart and soul, may not be the person you are supposed to be with.  It is most difficult to understand that the woman whom you would have done anything to win the heart of may be, in fact, the worst possible match for yourself or that, worse still, you may be the worst possible match for her.  This is where the rubber meets the esoteric road, when you must look deep inside yourself and think and listen, release all your attachment and understand what must be versus what is.

Right now, I have no clue what must be.  All I know is what is.  I am am unhappy, in a marriage which is not working, in a situation in which my prospects are dim and my soul is fading.  My energy has dimmed beyond recovery in so many ways, I have sought the help of a friend who is rather expensive to help me out.  At the end of the day, I pray that my endeavors are worth the time, but I can only feel complete distress and despair.  All I feel is the energy being drained from me from forces beyond my control, which seek to destroy all who stand in their way.  They may be winning.

I call upon my friends, allies and angels to help me.  I beg for the forgiveness of the universe for the mistakes of my past, and cry out to my Twin Soul for support in the most dangerous hour of my life.  I ask her with all my heart and all my soul to please tell me who she is somehow, some way, so I know for certain.  Without knowing who she is, I have so little hope of saving myself.  If she is with someone and is happy, I will rejoice in that I can finally find peace and move on.  If she is single and happy, the same.  If she is missing me and wishes me to return to her, I beg her to just acknowledge her presence so I know who she is.  This is all I ask.  For me to be whole within myself, I can do the rest and begin the hard work.  I just need to know.

I call upon the universe and those who have aided me before to grant me this profound wisdom and sacred knowledge.  The Dark Horse needs his Lady in his life, even if it cannot be romantic.  He needs to know she exists., and so he is no longer cold and barren, but knowing her energy is there, to help guide him back to where he belongs.  I am ready to stop running.  I no longer wish to run, but to know who she is.  When she tells me who she is, I will begin the process of reunion.

I am ready, and waiting to know.

Through the Eclipse Comes Knowledge

A wireline sketch of the chakric field, much like Earth's electromagnetic field.

The lunar eclipse brings out power which is often dormant.  As we awaken and acknowledge what we know to be true, it is easy to feel the energy swirling within us.  One only need to relax our minds, open our hearts, and allow the world to open in front of us to see it in our own energy.

Naturally, we win ourselves when we lose our egos.  This is all part of the divine plan to raise our conscious awareness.  Whether you are starting in your quest, advanced in your journey, or have met your sacred other, twin star or twin soul, we are all interconnected.  It is simply that which binds us. Through the channels of the universe, the roils of our souls, and the chakric adjustment and refining, we will become one with ourselves and those around us.

Those of us who are seven chakra strong, this is a significant occurrence, because it allows our inner radiance and power to flow and become apparent.  It magnetizes us to others and attracts that which is true and just.  For those of us who are twelve chakra advanced, this eclipse refines what is already there, and brought out into our own eyes what is true and real.  If you sought answers, they were brought to you in a profound way.  This happened for me tonight.  I told God that I am was putting everything into his hands (raised Catholic, please indulge the personification), that all would be done in accordance with what was right and just, and I that I trust the decision, though I did not trust myself (more on that later.)  That was answered, minutes later, with the name of the person who a fellow intuitive regards as my twin flame actually appearing, by name, mentioned by another, on my social media news feed at the very top.  This was a stunner to me, but I was reminded by another friend tonight of a lunar eclipse and the Super Blood Moon, and it all makes sense.

God/Source/Divine intends for us to know things through sacred knowledge and through the positioning of planets.  NASA told us yesterday of running water on Mars.  This was no coincidence.  The power of the energies allowed those in command to discern the correct and proper time to reveal this information.  Our brethren who seeded life in other worlds also did on the Red Planet, and this running water is proof that such a thing is adventous of our advancement as a race and species.  We are all joined and one.

There are things which we will learn over the coming months and years.  There are those who wish to destroy this world for their own selfish causes, because they know that once we have discerned their true intentions, all hope of their continued rule over this planet begins to unraveled.  It is the ultimate act of Romanesque spite...if they can't have it, nobody can.  We will overcome this, and achieve our rightful place, on earth and in the stars.

If you and your sacred other read this, please know that I stand with you in full support.  We are in unison, and those of us who are apart will, eventually, join back together when the time is right and just.  Nobody can stop the force of energy, it cannot be destroyed, only transformed.  Source/God will provide as intended, and we will be able to withstand.  All we must do is chose what is best for all.  When my twin is reading this, then I say to you, keep the faith...it will come as intended.

A word about trusting my own judgment:  ego clouds our judgment.  We wish to know everything, but our lower selves challenge what we think is real and what we know is just and right.  When we surrender and relax, all is revealed.  

"I don't love you the way I should, yet.  But it will come, in time."  

That is a quote heard through the ethers.  I must trust my judgment, so long as the higher self is that which is speaking.  When those messages appear and I know they are clear, I will share.  The one who is listening will one day find out and remember who we are together, and we all will benefit.

"Never again will have the opportunity to be so loved as I will with you."

One in unison, one in heart and soul.  Together, across time and space and through eternity.

The Super Blood Moon: Modern Science and Ancient Wisdom CAN Co-exist

The so-called "Super Blood Moon" is occurring this evening.  For those of you in the United States, the ability to see this particular event is dependent on your location for the simple fact that meteorological factors are involved (read: cloud cover and storms).  There are a great many opinions over the symbolism of this event, ranging from the "mundane" esoteric (energy and ability amplication) to the religious (apocalyptic visions and prophecies).  One of the things which is lost is something which science itself tells us.

The Super Blood Moon, as seen over Australia.  (Source:  9news.com.au)

When the moon gets even the slightest bit closer to the Earth than its normal orbit, and the Sun itself gets involved, gravitational forces make things just a hair wonky.  This is not meant as a joke or an insult aimed at those who take pleasure in poking holes at New Age symbolism.  It is merely an acknowledgement of scientific fact.

One of the ironies to this is that I am
one who believes the optimal level of enlightenment comes from a merging of ancient wisdom, modern technology, and eternal understanding.  Certain things, such as physics, do not change in the physical plane that we know of.  The natural and divine laws of the universe are unchanging; it is our growth of understanding which redefines how we view that which is presented through this lens.  Many of the studies which were once considered the realm of superstition and the occult are now being viewed with a renewed interest in synthesizing said information and practice with modern scientific methods and technological advances.  The Super Blood Moon only epitomizes this synthesis.

Indeed, a 2013 article in the (UK) Daily Mail suggests that quantum physics may have proven an existence of life after death and that we are able to transcend physical form to other planes and dimensions.  Despite the cries of the religiosity to penance and personal sacrifice (i.e. - fasting, self-punishment), more and more individuals are growing to accept the fact that we are, indeed, one.  We are all given our life from a central source, whether you wish to call this God, Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Source, this is wellspring of life and energy is where we all, ultimately, return.  This current natural event is merely the alarm clock to those who are awakened and opted to take an energetic "nap," so to speak.  It is now up to those of who are long-awakened and, for many of us, searching for meaning, to guide those only recently awakened.  It is also the clarion call for those of us looking to ascend to begin our real work of creating, rather than reacting to, the future.

The Dark Horse Awakens

This is a blog about the ethers, the spaces in-between, the place where our minds, souls and hearts wish to go, but dare not.  We are all one, joined together energetically, attempting to learn from each other the lessons which we so often deny ourselves because we are afraid to face our authentic selves.  We are all afraid on some level, and hopefully this page will help each and every one of us find our path.

Here is what you can expect from this blog:

• Periodic predictions (along with follow-ups on accuracy) on various events.  Just a note of authenticity - "pop culture" predictions such as celebrity breakups or sports win-loss situations will be avoided. This is intended as a means of information and education rather than entertainment.
• Esoteric discussions will be a norm.  If you are uncomfortable with discussion of astrology, numerology, psychic visions, dreams, and soulmate/karmic souls/twin flames, please move on.
• Expect some very intense discussions on how the energetic world works.  From time to time, outside links will be suggested.

The end of the beginning is here.  Those of you who have come across this blog may be intrigued, others confused, and others outraged.  I ask you respect this space, nothing more, nothing less.

Thank you.